Flatmate

Well, I'm hoping a good rant me chill me out and prevent any casualties from occurring tonight. So, my flat mate. She's been good to me. I am not an easy person to tolerate by any means. I smoke (out the window) Have an eating disorder, a drinking problem, and am rather a messy girl. She's forgiving me for eating her courgette bake, making a mess, and bringing extraneous men home. But only after I've cried slightly for hours in my room whilst she's screamed and ranted at the rest of my flatmates about me. *sigh*.
At the end of the day, I am quiet, friendly and have never argued with her. But she is a bossy, loud, condensing person who likes to get her own way, and for this reason I have never full on told her how I was feeling.
Right now she's blaming me for eating another courgette bake. Admittedly I did have a tiny bit of crust on the side in the middle of a full blown food binge (I hadn't eaten for two weeks prior as I was so scared of doing exactly that). My eating disorder is so unpredictable and impossible to control BUT I did make my own food to eat and then purge. She's also receive a smoking fine, which is mine but has incorrectly been addressed to her. I know that she thinks I gave them the wrong name which I just could never do.
This is not what I am angry about - she has a right to be fucking annoyed. I am pissed off with how she sees my mistakes as personally aimed at her. I don't think that as a person she can actually sympathize with how others feel. I've tried so hard to be nice; both her presents, tidied the flat, always listened to her problems, offered to go out with her, bought cleaning fluid and extra food when ever she complained. I actually do care about her but now feel.....I don't know. Flat?
She has life much sweeter than me I sometimes feel, although of course I know life is never an easy ride for any one. She has a steady boyfriend, good grades, and what appears to be a normal family.
Every night she says we'll have a "girlie night in" then stays with her bf. I get to hear the symphony of grunts and moans as they release their inhibitions in her room. She likes to boast to every one after wards how great her sex life is.
This is my life: I am very lonely. I don't have sex, but do have an older man in the flat below who likes to force me to kiss him when his is pissed. I've realized that my eating is so out of control, that I now throw up blood when I make myself sick. I've withdrawn from university as I can't stick the work and being so lonely. I cut of all my hair as a punishment for being promiscuous, and burn myself on my arms to block out feeling emptiness. I have no real friends and spend most nights on my own. In short, I find day to day life difficult. It's not like I don't try to improve myself - I hate being depressed. I stopped taking my anti depressants as they made me feel nothing, and so now try to be very careful, and to get my work done. But things recently have been difficult. So much so that I've dropped out of uni; there is nothing left for me here.
I try so hard to be good and honest. It upsets me to know that she thinks I tried to pass the fine onto her - I would never consider doing that. I am jealous of her life, and angry that, although she is the closest person I have to a friend, she can't actually trust me to tell the truth. How can't she see that I need her support? We are actually meant to be going out tonight but she has brought her boyfriend home. I try to be independent and secure, but inside I am screaming. Surely she can let a bit of crust go? And she thinks I am so twisted as to allow her to get a fine? Her friendship to me really just rests on me boosting her confidence, saying nice things and dying her hair -_-
However, I am going to leave university and travel, hopefully indefinitely. Things will get better and she won't have to bother with me any more.