You've Done Enough

I don't want your money. I don't want your pity. I don't want you trying to fix things. What I want is for you to just go away. Just stop talking to me, my family, and stop trying to make me like you again. It's not happening.

So he spent his money on you. Whoop di do. Yes it pisses me off that he spent his money on you when I SPECFICALLY told him to save up so we could buy the game together. But it's more than just a game to me. You know what that means? That he spent his money on you and not me? He cares about you more than me. It's sounds really weird, but it's true. He cares more about some girl he's known for 3 months than his almost sister-like cousin. He cares more about some one time bowling trip than a video game night and rare hangout time with his cousin. He's totally forgotten about the whole "bros before hoes" concept. So you and him can go die a fucking hole.

So you've got my family caring about you more than me. Good. Now people, check that off your list of ways to screw my life over. Because my friends are turning their backs on me, so now you have to turn my family's backs on me? But wait - that's not fair. You don't know about my friends not caring. Wait - it is fair. You're just like all the other people who ignore my feelings. You've never once asked me "Are you okay?" even though you knew I wasn't. You know I'm not okay yet do nothing about it. You're just like them.

And you think that buying that videogame for me is going to set the score even? What a joke. It's not going to set ANYTHING to normal. You just want it for you, so you can spend some more time with him. Fuck off. Everything is about him. Every fucking word you say to me. I'm sickened by this. I'm not just some path to go to him.
You feel guity about me not getting my game? Good. Keep feeling it. You should also feel guilty about taking my hangout time with him, invading my family, and being another step to ruining my fucking life. That guilt doesn't even come close to what you, my "friends," and life has done to me in the past month.

If you want me to be happy, then leave. Don't talk to him. Don't talk to my family. Just go away and stop trying to make me happy. You can't buy me over and you can't try to make my bonds stronger with him. It's over.

Person reading this, it's not just about some video game that I never got. It's about the fact that my family is choosing my friend over me. It's about the fact that people think they can just buy my happiness, and that she can just ignore my feelings. Do I have a right to be this frustrated?